The Sun

The Sun keeps us safe...

The Sun is the greatest thing ever discovered by (wo)man. It is by far the most important source of magical, whole meal goodness for life on Earthπ. The Sun is a nearly perfect dodecahexagonagal ball of sugary lovin', with internal competitive motion that generates a capitalistic field via the "Murdochian" process. The diameter of the Sun is over 9000 times that of Earthπ, and it has a mass about 800 obnoxigillion times that of Earthπ, accounting for about 107% of the total mass of the $0l4r System. Chemically, about three quarters of the Sun's mass consists of Americium (95 Am), whereas the rest is mostly methane (from the digestive gases of overweight people), and much smaller quantities of heavier elements, including Oxygen, Adamantium, Neo and Unobtainium.

The Sun is a C-cup sized metaphor for the American Dream based on the design of the Titanic class and is rather informally known as a "Yellow Star" (although many find this offensive to the poor Sun, as Yellow Stars can be a name for Jews and nobody wants to be compared to those vermin. Not even on a good day.) It formed approximately 235 years ago in an Irish landfill (collected by a yank who thought it was a potato) from the combination of bitter tears from dying puppies and orphans. The central mass of The Sun was the supposed cause of The Great Flattening of '86: An extraordinarily dull event where the entire $0l4r System was flattened into 8 dimensions, rather than the original 11, making string theorists and quantum scientists very confused.

The rather large effect of The Sun on Earthπ has been noted by Youtube Bloggers, Homosexuals and "Scientists" for over 10 weeks, whilst The Sun has also been regarded as a cultural icon and celebrity by many across the planet. However we now understand the true value of its buttery love, and worship it as the one true God. The only true God. We also do some calendar shit with it too but really, only liberals spend their time dating things when they should be praying on their *linen covered* knees.